Question of the day:
“Why do young men feel that young girls are but objects for their sexual fantasies and pleasure?”
Posed in some vexation by Nova Scotia’s Rev. John Morrell, presiding over the funeral of teenager Rehtaeh Parsons, who killed herself on April 7th after an endless number of months enduring the total awfulness of having been publically gang-raped at a party, with the images shared online.
Oh dear Rev. Morrell. Where have you been for the last thousand years? Really, for the last ten thousand?
The puzzle isn’t why young men hope to mount everything that moves, driven headlong and crazy by their primal human drive. Same answer to ‘why do dogs lick their balls? Cause they can.’
The question is why the “trending” result of decades of feminist activism is now teenaged girls being expected to behave like prostitutes and porn actresses.
No romance, no dates, not even a meal paid for. No commitment, not even passingly. No cherishing. Gimme sex like I seen on the Net.
Quite apart from the fact that porn actresses and prostitutes get paid, there are other questions arising here, such as how this is female empowerment in any conceivable way. Is there, in fact, another way in which ‘hook up’ culture, and being mandated to remove all your pubic hair lest men declare you gross, and labial surgery in order to excise the last, distressing evidence of natural female sexuality, is a mark of women’s liberation?
What I see is sadness. Often gracefully suppressed, but manifold. My sixteen-year-old daughter is missing out on the deliciousness of being courted and flattered, of being wooed. Never mind respected, that’s just completely out the window. The Internet porn culture educates boys to approach her sociopathically: “You’re hot,” she tells me they say at parties. “Wanna hook up?”
She and I watched a documentary tonight called “Sexy Baby,” about the insane sexualization of her generation, the empty, mindless meme that it is, and how hard girls her age have to work to resist the peer embrace. You’re a slut to be cool – and yet, you’re a slut, YOU’RE A SLUT, if you get raped.
They can’t even figure out their categories, because the norms have become so extreme. You go to parties now, according to Clara, and you kiss everyone and no one, you’re not allowed to declare anything special. It’s an orgy. It’s a swinger’s party. For vulnerable, hopeful teen girls it’s a nightmare they are not even allowed to articulate. Not cool to hope for more than a grope or a one-hour stand.
This is total bullshit. A feminist travesty. It has become a man’s world times Pi. We might as well be inhabiting the era of the Vikings, when women were grabbed on the fly at banquets. Which is, by all accounts, what happened to Ms. Parsons, and to other young women who have killed themselves in the last couple of years. Grabbed on the fly, at proverbial banquets, and then photographed for Facebook and Youtube.
This is nihilism. It’s Kurtz gone down the river of civilization. We baby boomers destroyed the traditional infrastructure, of church, of community mores, hoping to liberate women from stifling roles, but maybe we should have thought about what to replace those live-by standards with, at least a little harder than we did.
Because our girls, in particular, are in pain. They want to be loved, not fucked. They’ve gone from being chaperoned to being gang-raped on social media with uneven censure. Only a fool would call this human progress. We need to sit down, as a society, and have a serious conversation about what’s going on.


9 Responses to “The Sexual Revolution has officially gone awry, and my daughter is paying the price”

  1. David Shaw says:

    I never thought of females like this when I was growing up but I encountered a small number of males who did … and I found them to be quite disgusting. I’m sure there are many more now with things like like free porn sites to egg them on which we never had (back then there was the comparatively sedate Playboy … things like Hustler and Penthouse hadn’t surfaced yet). The solution is probably education (something we never got back in the day). Question: how do porn actors get paid when their leavings can be watched for free on any number of porn sites?

  2. Nock4Six says:

    Agree 100% with this. I wrote a similar post last week on the same topic (called “This Isn’t Your Dad’s Playboy Anymore” on my blog). As the mother of a 19 year old girl, I’ve seen and been through it all. It’s absolutely heart breaking to watch. Great read – thanks for the post. ~ K

  3. What began in the ’60s has steadily rolled along into what we have today, a society that celebrates narcissism in the extreme and tramples on anyone and everyone who wants the traditional and normal things that a civilization requires – love, respect, and functional relationships that involve more than a 1 hour hookup and then ‘see ya.’ All the warnings from traditional sources were ignored, mocked, etc, just as those same warnings are ignored and mocked today with the latest in a steady stream of issues brought forth by a tiny minority wanting to destroy any and all traditional standards and beliefs simply for the sake of their love of destruction itself.

  4. Doug says:

    OK so girls want to be wooed, probably yes, but they want sexual understanding, experience and pleasure too, as do most boys. Don’t romanticize history, it may have been ideal for a few debutantes but was always this way or worse for the masses.

    Cinderella is a fairy tale, she is an abused step-child in needs of an escape, today’s adolescents aren’t without a future, they are just squandering it.

    This begs the question why? The problem is lack of Education about sex, sexuality, sexual congress, and sexual etiquette. Full education is the answer, but sex ed is a “hot button” issue and we have the internet as teacher, so lets make sex better for everyone and change it from a “hot button” issue into a part of everyday life and reclaim it…

  5. Gianfranco says:

    As a Boomer father of two young adult daughters, I’m so very glad they did not have any of the experiences laid out here, to the best of my knowledge of course. I would like to think that, in part, it had to do with us trying to teach our girls to make smart choices. Parents must stick their noses in their kids business. This “don’t invade their privacy” thing is used as an excuse for parents not having to deal with their kids. We may not as parents be able to eradicate this “Viking” behavior be we can have some positive influence. And as for the Boomers destroying the traditional moral infrastructure, I would offer that we were advocates for people making their own choices, but at no point did we embrace sexual barbarianism as a choice. We as parents need to take some responsibility, not for creating the current culture by our past deeds, but by not being involved enough in our kid’s present.

  6. Krista says:

    Um, this is not the fault of feminism.
    The first rule of Oppressing People: make the victims feel as though it’s their own fault. The second rule: make the oppressed fight among themselves so that the status quo (PATRIARCHY) can continue to oppress.
    Our young women need social change and they NEED IT NOW. Please note it has been exactly this same way since the dawn of patriarchy.
    Please do not blame our sisters because we are all victims. We need to be working together, not drawing lines in the sand amongst ourselves.

  7. Liz G says:

    Just stumbled upon this…Enjoyed your article and the comments. I think Doug makes a good point. We need better sex end that is sex positive and based on respect.

    Also, I think that if we want young boys to respect and treat young women with kindness, if we want them to woo them, be romantic and respectful, then we must treat them in kind. I recently came across the post of a well-known streetwear designer in my area. He posted pictures of flowers sent to him by a woman he has been dating. He commented that he loved when women flipped the gender-script and did things like that. Another friend recently told how she was taking her partner on a trip to Mexico because she felt he needed a get away. Treating men to a little romance from time to time is important.

    I have been guilty in my own life of talking negatively about men. Even I’m ashamed to say recently…Our culture encourages it all the time. Think of all the images we have of ‘players’, ‘buffoons’, ‘jerks’, ‘bros’… One stand up male friend of mine with a kind smart beautiful girlfriend said that he defaults to understanding women as smart and beautiful. He consistently meets smart, kind and beautiful women and dates them. His attitude is positive and he gets positive results.

    It is not about protecting young women (though we do need to show they are supported and show that sexual assault is not acceptable at all.) It is really about kindness, humanness, friendship. We need to help young men and young women find what’s good in themselves and others. And sex can be part of that, a very good part of that.

  8. Patricia: This is you decrying a social evil at your best. Forthright. Emphatic. I couldn’t agree with you more.

  9. baby boomer says:

    Where are the men who are respectful to all, not just women? Where are the boys who are hoping for a loving relationship? Yes, men/boys may think along these lines of opportunism, but there is always at least one among them who knows in their heart that this is wrong. Where are they? Why don’t they stand up? Unfortunately, it’s not easy to admit that we are all affected by advertising, by what is fed to us by TV, internet and radio. Women say that “my son” is not affected by pornography on the internet because I have taught him valuable lessons….why do you think corporations pay so much for advertising during the Superbowl? Because they have done their homework to determine how people are influenced. They have access to the psychology of how people are influenced to spend their money. The sooner we realize that what is shown on TV and on the internet influences young minds, the better we can begin to demand what is acceptable for women.

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